In this current season of my life, I am reminded that God wastes nothing. A friend of mine recently sent this Henri Nouwen quote to me in an email. I don't believe my wounds are still open and bleeding, so I am hoping I don't scare others away and that my wounds can become a gift to others. Praying you are able to let your open and bleeding wounds be lovingly tended...knowing this is painful but it is the way to healing. Praying that those of you who have allowed your wounds to be tended are able to share this gift.
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Our own experience with loneliness, depression, and fear can become a gift for others, especially when we have received good care. As long as our wounds are open and bleeding, we scare others away. But after someone has carefully tended to our wounds, they no longer frighten us or others.
When we experience the healing presence of another person, we can discover our own gifts of healing. Then our wounds allow us to enter into a deep solidarity with our wounded brothers and sisters.
To enter into solidarity with a suffering person does not mean that we have to talk with that person about our own suffering. Speaking about our own pain is seldom helpful for someone who is in pain. A wounded healer is someone who can listen to a person in pain without having to speak about his or her own wounds. When we have lived through a painful depression, we can listen with great attentiveness and love to a depressed friend without mentioning our experience. Mostly it is better not to direct a suffering person’s attention to ourselves. We have to trust that our own bandaged wounds will allow us to listen to others with our whole beings. That is healing.”
-Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer, 1979.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Mysterium
Guess I missed posting this during Advent...it is almost Epiphany now. I love this music, so I will share this old post I never published.
For those of us who celebrate Advent--the season of waiting and preparation before Christmas--tomorrow will be the first Sunday of Advent. In the Episcopal Church we do not sing traditional Christmas carols in church until Christmas Day (and after for the twelve days of the Christmas season). However, 12 days for all these beautiful hymns is just not long enough for me, so
I found myself singing this morning--at the top of my voice--one of my fav-o-rites from my Murrah Singers days, "O Magnum Mysterium." I decided I wanted to sing along with the choir, so I put on the album ;-) Yes, I still have a copy, AND I still have a turntable.
Listening to "O Holy Night" for the first time this year, I was moved to tears and to my knees. What else can I do when faced with such love--that He would humble himself to become like us to show us the way?
The season of Advent (time of preparation and waiting) begins Sunday. I am praying I will slow down instead of speed up like the world says I should this time of year. I am praying I will intentionally love and give my best to those I hold dear...and to those I don't. I am praying that Christ's love will flourish in my heart--and that I can truly rest in the truth that "the joy of the LORD is my strength"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O3aCCGjuvY
O Magnum Mysterium is a responsorial chant from the Matins of Christmas.
Latin text
O magnum mysterium,
et admirabile sacramentum,
ut animalia viderent Dominum natum,
jacentem in praesepio!
Beata Virgo, cujus viscera
meruerunt portare
Dominum Christum.
Alleluia.
English translation
O great mystery,
and wonderful sacrament,
that animals should see the new-born Lord,
lying in a manger!
Blessed is the Virgin whose womb
was worthy to bear
Christ the Lord.
Alleluia!
For those of us who celebrate Advent--the season of waiting and preparation before Christmas--tomorrow will be the first Sunday of Advent. In the Episcopal Church we do not sing traditional Christmas carols in church until Christmas Day (and after for the twelve days of the Christmas season). However, 12 days for all these beautiful hymns is just not long enough for me, so
I found myself singing this morning--at the top of my voice--one of my fav-o-rites from my Murrah Singers days, "O Magnum Mysterium." I decided I wanted to sing along with the choir, so I put on the album ;-) Yes, I still have a copy, AND I still have a turntable.
Listening to "O Holy Night" for the first time this year, I was moved to tears and to my knees. What else can I do when faced with such love--that He would humble himself to become like us to show us the way?
The season of Advent (time of preparation and waiting) begins Sunday. I am praying I will slow down instead of speed up like the world says I should this time of year. I am praying I will intentionally love and give my best to those I hold dear...and to those I don't. I am praying that Christ's love will flourish in my heart--and that I can truly rest in the truth that "the joy of the LORD is my strength"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O3aCCGjuvY
O Magnum Mysterium is a responsorial chant from the Matins of Christmas.
Latin text
O magnum mysterium,
et admirabile sacramentum,
ut animalia viderent Dominum natum,
jacentem in praesepio!
Beata Virgo, cujus viscera
meruerunt portare
Dominum Christum.
Alleluia.
English translation
O great mystery,
and wonderful sacrament,
that animals should see the new-born Lord,
lying in a manger!
Blessed is the Virgin whose womb
was worthy to bear
Christ the Lord.
Alleluia!
Hide and Seek
I try never to publish a post while I am in the pit of despair. I don’t want to deny the struggle or pretend it doesn’t exist, but I never want to leave it there. It has been my experience that even the darkest times eventually come to an end…or at least a lessening. There have been seasons when the light flooded in without me even having the strength (or wisdom) to look for it, but there have been more times when I have very actively had to search…or really, it is the daily quest and time invested in this relationship with Christ that allows me to be found when I am lost. He calls me by name, and I recognize His voice (even though I am very stubborn and easily distracted). I wrote this post several weeks ago, but I was hesitant to post it until I was sure I really believed it myself, if you know what I mean.
There are just sometimes when I belligerently want to focus on all I’ve lost instead of having a thankful heart. I can usually feel the ungratefulness and despair building to a destructive wave of sorrow mixed with anger and bitterness. Almost like I am playing a crazy game of hide-and-seek (picture Jack Nicholson in The Shining)--where I am the hider and the enemy of my heart is the seeker. Usually I end up kicking and screaming (in fear, anger and alone-ness) as the mean and hate-filled seeker gets closer—which most certainly gives away my (not so) good hiding place. Just as I fear I am about to be discovered, I usually remember that I don’t have to do this alone. Honestly, why do I forget so easily? There is One who never leaves me to do battle alone, who is willing to fight for me and with me, and from whom I never need hide...no matter how badly I have behaved while I was hiding-and-seeking with the enemy. (And I can behave pretty badly.) The turning back to a heart attitude of thankfulness, praise and humility seems to be the first step. Of course, it is only the power of the Holy Spirit that makes this turn possible…it is totally beyond anything I can do. What a mystery.
Peacefulness, which so recently seemed out of reach, returns. I am reminded that Christ is the only good hiding place. And He continues to seek after me whenever I go off hiding elsewhere.
Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,,
and the garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair
John 10:4
He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out…his sheep follow him because they know his voice.
Matthew 23:37
O Jerusalem…how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.
Luke 15: 4-6
Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home.
There are just sometimes when I belligerently want to focus on all I’ve lost instead of having a thankful heart. I can usually feel the ungratefulness and despair building to a destructive wave of sorrow mixed with anger and bitterness. Almost like I am playing a crazy game of hide-and-seek (picture Jack Nicholson in The Shining)--where I am the hider and the enemy of my heart is the seeker. Usually I end up kicking and screaming (in fear, anger and alone-ness) as the mean and hate-filled seeker gets closer—which most certainly gives away my (not so) good hiding place. Just as I fear I am about to be discovered, I usually remember that I don’t have to do this alone. Honestly, why do I forget so easily? There is One who never leaves me to do battle alone, who is willing to fight for me and with me, and from whom I never need hide...no matter how badly I have behaved while I was hiding-and-seeking with the enemy. (And I can behave pretty badly.) The turning back to a heart attitude of thankfulness, praise and humility seems to be the first step. Of course, it is only the power of the Holy Spirit that makes this turn possible…it is totally beyond anything I can do. What a mystery.
Peacefulness, which so recently seemed out of reach, returns. I am reminded that Christ is the only good hiding place. And He continues to seek after me whenever I go off hiding elsewhere.
Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,,
and the garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair
John 10:4
He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out…his sheep follow him because they know his voice.
Matthew 23:37
O Jerusalem…how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you were not willing.
Luke 15: 4-6
Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Tragedy
My heart breaks for all who are touched by the particular horrors in Portland and Sandy Hook this week, but it aches most for the children who witnessed such tragedy first hand. Awful enough to hear about it...but for the children to live it, and feel powerless to change it, really seems more than we can expect children to bear.
My little boy, who thankfully was not present when his dad and I were shot, has been struggling lately with why God "let this happen to us." No "answer" I could possibly offer will soothe his aching heart. I can only attest to the fact that God was with me in my deepest despair, and I am confident of His great love for each of us. I am praying Luke will continue to have a tender heart that can receive the love and comfort that is his in Christ. I am praying this for all who are hurting today.
Such terrible things we humans can do to one another. Such terrible acts of violence that leave so many suffering loss beyond comprehension. It "feels" like the last word...but it is not.
My little boy, who thankfully was not present when his dad and I were shot, has been struggling lately with why God "let this happen to us." No "answer" I could possibly offer will soothe his aching heart. I can only attest to the fact that God was with me in my deepest despair, and I am confident of His great love for each of us. I am praying Luke will continue to have a tender heart that can receive the love and comfort that is his in Christ. I am praying this for all who are hurting today.
Such terrible things we humans can do to one another. Such terrible acts of violence that leave so many suffering loss beyond comprehension. It "feels" like the last word...but it is not.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Wham-o!
Okay, I should know by now that I WILL have the opportunity to put my-money-where-my-mouth-is when I blog about a particular topic. Well, I failed miserably yesterday. I had the opportunity to admit my weaknesses and lean on Him, and I didn't do it...I tried to cover...as predicted, it didn't work so well for me. Goodness, I have some serious pride issues. Thankful, though, that He is always ready to receive when I am ready to turn it over to Him. Thankful, also, that He does not coddle me in this area...but calls me out on it! At the end of the day, I had the opportunity to reflect on how things would have gone if I had been more humble. The outcome would probably have been exactly the same, but the journey would have been completely different.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Weakness and Fools
I have the feeling God is speaking to my heart about weaknesses. This has been the theme in all my readings from Scripture to daily devotions to "regular" books. Weaknesses...plural to be sure. I am wondering what I will learn about myself in the coming weeks or months. I already know a lot about my weaknesses...I am easily distracted. I don't multitask well (because I am easily distracted). I am too critical of my children. I don't expect enough from my children. I suffer from "revolving world syndrome" (which is probably what I suffer from the most)...
I love the verses that say " But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong " and "for when I am weak, then I am strong." I really get all that...when I remember to ponder it. Often, I just blow through the day getting frustrated with my foolishness and weaknesses, but then I am reminded that it is not my strength or wisdom that is important...it is my trust in the One who is more than "strong enough" to help me bear whatever load needs to be carried, and who is more than "wise enough" to instruct and guide me along right paths.
I am reading a book about being a praying parent. I am a praying parent, and I want to grow in this area...but I also know it is not that saying all the right words in prayer or thinking all the right thoughts will protect and shield my children like rubbing a magic lamp and making a wish. I know from first-hand experience that prayer is powerful and it sustains...but I also know that when I decide, in advance, what the answer to my prayer should look like then I am a fool masquerading as a wise man. How do people come away with the idea that if we just pray the right prayer and our faith is strong enough then nothing we don't want to have happen will happen? I am thinking they are not reading the same Bible that I am. (Yes, I know there are passages that taken by themselves might lead to those thoughts, but taken as a whole, the Word makes it clear--LOL--to me anyway ;-)--that trouble and calamity can be expected in this life even as our desire to know and be known by God deepens... and yet that paradoxical Peace can be expected to be right there in the midst of all that calamity.) Most of us really do know that the absence of hard times is not a reflection of our goodness any more than the presence of difficulties is proof we are unrighteous...yet we seem to buy into that mentality repeatedly. I guess maybe on some level we want it to be true. But since none of us is all that "good" to begin with, I think that wouldn't work out so well for most of us. At least I know it wouldn't for me.
When I say I am a "weak fool," I am not trying to be self-deprecating. I am stating a fact that allows me to receive, for my good, His strength and His wisdom. Oh, that I could consistently recognize what a weak fool I am. I sure could save myself a heap of worry and trouble. Instead I have tried at different times to cover it up in my pretense that I am strong and wise. I am so thankful that this is not a fight I have to fight on my own...and actually the Battle is already won for me (and for you). Now, wouldn't I be foolish to forget this?
The strife is o'er, the battle won;
The victory of life is won;
The song of triumph has begun.
Alleluia
Words: Unknown author; translated from Latin to English by Francis Pott, 1861.
I love the verses that say " But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong " and "for when I am weak, then I am strong." I really get all that...when I remember to ponder it. Often, I just blow through the day getting frustrated with my foolishness and weaknesses, but then I am reminded that it is not my strength or wisdom that is important...it is my trust in the One who is more than "strong enough" to help me bear whatever load needs to be carried, and who is more than "wise enough" to instruct and guide me along right paths.
I am reading a book about being a praying parent. I am a praying parent, and I want to grow in this area...but I also know it is not that saying all the right words in prayer or thinking all the right thoughts will protect and shield my children like rubbing a magic lamp and making a wish. I know from first-hand experience that prayer is powerful and it sustains...but I also know that when I decide, in advance, what the answer to my prayer should look like then I am a fool masquerading as a wise man. How do people come away with the idea that if we just pray the right prayer and our faith is strong enough then nothing we don't want to have happen will happen? I am thinking they are not reading the same Bible that I am. (Yes, I know there are passages that taken by themselves might lead to those thoughts, but taken as a whole, the Word makes it clear--LOL--to me anyway ;-)--that trouble and calamity can be expected in this life even as our desire to know and be known by God deepens... and yet that paradoxical Peace can be expected to be right there in the midst of all that calamity.) Most of us really do know that the absence of hard times is not a reflection of our goodness any more than the presence of difficulties is proof we are unrighteous...yet we seem to buy into that mentality repeatedly. I guess maybe on some level we want it to be true. But since none of us is all that "good" to begin with, I think that wouldn't work out so well for most of us. At least I know it wouldn't for me.
When I say I am a "weak fool," I am not trying to be self-deprecating. I am stating a fact that allows me to receive, for my good, His strength and His wisdom. Oh, that I could consistently recognize what a weak fool I am. I sure could save myself a heap of worry and trouble. Instead I have tried at different times to cover it up in my pretense that I am strong and wise. I am so thankful that this is not a fight I have to fight on my own...and actually the Battle is already won for me (and for you). Now, wouldn't I be foolish to forget this?
The strife is o'er, the battle won;
The victory of life is won;
The song of triumph has begun.
Alleluia
Words: Unknown author; translated from Latin to English by Francis Pott, 1861.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Okay
Things are good here. I am in a good place with much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day. I wrote this post quite a while ago and have no idea why I never published it--and even though I am better than "okay," I thought I would share it.
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Saturday, August 4
Forward Day by Day (Publication)
Psalm 27:
The LORD is the strength of my life, of whom then shall I be afraid?
Montgomery, Alabama, 1961. James Zwerg sat inside a bus and watched men with bats, chains and clubs advance. A member of the Freedom Riders, a group of black and white college students who were traveling throughout the South to desegregate public transportation, he feared he would be killed.
When other students first had asked him to join the Freedom Riders, James read Psalm 27 to find courage. Rejected by his parents because of his involvement in the civil rights movement, he was particularly touched by the fourteenth verse; "Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me."
James volunteered to be the first one off the bus. The mob battered him.
It would be nice if a neat, happy ending followed, but Jesus never promised us there were no costs. Anger and guilt plagued James, and he sought therapy. Yet he calls the experience one of the most beautiful in his life. In the midst of the beating, as he prayed for strength to remain nonviolent and forgive, he felt an overwhelming presence and peace, and knew he would be okay.
________________________________________________________
"Okay" just has to be good enough a lot of times. "Okay" gets a bad wrap, I think. When you look at it from one side, "okay" seems to be a bit lackluster. But when you look at "okay" from the other side, its beauty just might be revealed in it's very lack of ugliness. "Okay" is also where you have to pass through on your way to "even better." So, I'll take "okay," and be glad for it.
___________________________________________________________
Saturday, August 4
Forward Day by Day (Publication)
Psalm 27:
The LORD is the strength of my life, of whom then shall I be afraid?
Montgomery, Alabama, 1961. James Zwerg sat inside a bus and watched men with bats, chains and clubs advance. A member of the Freedom Riders, a group of black and white college students who were traveling throughout the South to desegregate public transportation, he feared he would be killed.
When other students first had asked him to join the Freedom Riders, James read Psalm 27 to find courage. Rejected by his parents because of his involvement in the civil rights movement, he was particularly touched by the fourteenth verse; "Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me."
James volunteered to be the first one off the bus. The mob battered him.
It would be nice if a neat, happy ending followed, but Jesus never promised us there were no costs. Anger and guilt plagued James, and he sought therapy. Yet he calls the experience one of the most beautiful in his life. In the midst of the beating, as he prayed for strength to remain nonviolent and forgive, he felt an overwhelming presence and peace, and knew he would be okay.
________________________________________________________
"Okay" just has to be good enough a lot of times. "Okay" gets a bad wrap, I think. When you look at it from one side, "okay" seems to be a bit lackluster. But when you look at "okay" from the other side, its beauty just might be revealed in it's very lack of ugliness. "Okay" is also where you have to pass through on your way to "even better." So, I'll take "okay," and be glad for it.
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