Just when I think I have my act together, I am overcome. I bought some concrete benches today to sit between the apple trees and scattered some of Todd's ashes around. I unloaded and put the benches together myself--even though the concrete was extremely heavy. I layed on one of them and talked to Todd when I was done.
Earlier today:
A friend who is having a baby came by to tell me that she and her husband had decided to name him after Todd...it will be his middle name.
I read some of the old news articles written about that horrible night.
Not too bright, am I?
Only cried a few times today, but I fell apart this evening. I am tired, and everything is worse when I am tired.
It hurts so very badly, I feel like I will crack.
i am so sorry you had a hard day. but i don't think your feelings are a sign of not having your act together. the benches and the baby name sound like poignant and bittersweet moments. i think they'd bring up a lot of emotions on their own, never mind both happening in one day. i teared up just reading about it.
ReplyDeletei will grant you looking at the newspaper articles after the day you had seems like you are either being mean to yourself or demanding too much. but hey - today was a bad day. tomorrow you can have a better day.
love you
just wanted you to know that I lift you up in prayer every time I read your blog or think about you. I am so very sorry for the pain that you are having to go through and I can only commit to praying for you...very little on my part but please know my heart continues to greave for you and your family! Love and miss you old friend - Sarah
ReplyDeleteDitto everything Nikki said and remember you have friends who are only a phone call away when and if you need us. Love you.
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