Go, Lucy, Go!

My heart is soaring for the gift this family has received.  Go, Lucy, Go!!!  (and Kate, and Eric and Ella and Jack!)  The road ahead is still unclear, but they are choosing to savor the beauty of this day--and take the next step in faith that the step after will be revealed as they continue to put one foot in front of the other. 

As our family is well aware, not one of  us knows the exact number of our days.  It is important to me that my children and I be mindful to live the day we have, not the day we wish we had.  Some days this is difficult beyond imagination.  In allowing us to share in part of their journey, the Krull's inspire me to strive to live each of my days giving thanks, savoring the beautiful (in its many forms) and not just prayerfully seeking, but actually taking, the next step that is laid before me.  Go, Lucy, Go. Your zest for life and your family's faithfulness continue to inspire and encourage a host of people you will never meet. 


They are the shoot I have planted,
the work of my hands,
for the display of my splendor.

Isaiah 60:21b

Lucy's Smile

Lucy continues to improve!  If you have been following her mom's blog, then I am sure you are already rejoicing with me!  If the pictures of this precious girl and her siblings don't make you smile big, then you are way past curmudgeon.

Choice

This is a loooooong and windy post.  It is really almost two or three separate posts, but to me they are connected by the fact that fear of negative consequences is not why God wants us to choose Life with Him. 

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear...We love, because he first loved us."   1 John 4:18-19

I was reading the story of the rich man and the beggar this morning. (Luke 16:19-31)  I am always struck by the fact that the rich man still wants Lazarus (the beggar) to serve him even in death.  The second thing I always ponder after reading this passage is if the rich man had truly allowed a change in his heart, instead of only expressing regret for being “caught out,”, then there would have been no chasm. (btw I don’t take this to mean a physical chasm, but a “heart-state” chasm  in which the two opposing heart-attitudes cannot possibly coexist or have any meaningful exchange.)  The rich man’s response indicates he is not concerned about his brothers recognizing God’s authority in their lives and receiving the Great Love that He offers but just hoping to help them avoid torment...big difference.   To me this confirms he is not sorry for his sin (of ignoring the needs of others) and the pain it caused, but only sorry he is in agony…big difference.  The rich man does not bow to God’s authority, submitting to His Great Love…he only acknowledges that the torment is really bad.   

I love the imagery of heaven and hell in CS Lewis’s The Great Divorce.   He paints a picture of choice even after death…people being willing to work toward fully receiving the Great Love of God or choosing to remain separated from this Love—but always the bus travels back and forth between the two places for its riders.   One of the reasons I like this book is because it speaks of the hope of reconciliation even after physical death.  I am not a Biblical Scholar by any stretch of the imagination, and I am quite sure that many could quote particular scripture to support the view that all choice ends at physical death. There is so much I do not understand, but as I read the totality of the Love Story that God’s Word is speaking to us—and the more I learn about the context in which each book was written-- I am reminded over and over that His Ways are not our ways, and that He acknowledges, in both Old Testament and New, that He speaks to us in parables and that His greatest desire is to reconcile all creation to Himself…but the choice is always ours…and He patiently (yet actively) waits.  So it is not too much of a stretch for me to see the choice as continuing beyond our physical death.  I picture in my mind, Jesus, greeting each person as physical life passes from their physical body…some who, by our earthly standards, did not believe or call on Him by name will immediately recognize Him and joyfully submit (voluntarily yield) and run to Him to be immersed in His Love.  Some who, by our earthly standards, seem to know Him well, will be unwilling to submit (voluntarily yield) to His authority--as it truly is and not as they have determined it should be--and receive His joy.

“This life is not for the body, it is for the soul, and man too often chooses the way of life that best suits the body.  Not the way that best suits the soul.”                                                   God Calling (edited by AJ Russell), June 8 entry 

“…I have set before you life and death…Now chose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the LORD your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.  For the LORD is your life…”                                                                                        Deuteronomy 30:19-20

Being a good parent requires that we expect obedience from our children. Growing up, my mother always told me that parents who let their children do anything they wanted without (ever suffering negative) consequences did not really love their children.  Even as a child I knew there was truth in this.    Now that I am a parent myself,  I get the other piece of obedience-- that part of us that desires our children’s obedience come as a response to our love for them and not as result of what they will “get” or avoid getting.  Providing positive and allowing negative consequences is necessary to help children learn to make right choices and to provide a fence, of sorts, to keep them safe…but the fact that consequences are necessary to help us learn speaks to our selfish (sin) nature!   LOL, I know I am not the only parent who wants to instill in my children that the decisions I make are from the standpoint of my great love for them…and they must accept that these decisions will not always make sense to them.  How awesome it would be if they could accept this joyfully—perhaps a little Stepfordish, but awesome nonetheless ;-)—but I am just working toward acceptance…perhaps resignation?  Children are very astute, but we know they simply do not have the capacity to adequately understand or foresee the natural consequences of much of their behavior…and none of us likes to hear the word “no.”  But as parents, “no” we must say on a regular basis.   I do look at ways to say “yes,” but it is sometimes hard work!

These ponderings come from my own struggle right now to parent my children in life-giving ways--ways that will provide the best foundation for a life worth living—and knowing that I will forever fall short of the mark of perfection.  Heck, even though I know from experience that my greatest joy comes when I give of myself, I still act foolishly and selfishly on a regular basis.  It all leaves me feeling a bit like the “blind leading the blind.”   Of course, this dilemma brings me back full-circle to the fact that I still need a Parent to Parent me.  I am so thankful that I have One. 

Lucy

My heart is breaking for the precious Krull family.  I have never met them, but I have been following Kate's blog (2  kids, a minivan and a mortgage ) for over a year now.  Their 6 year-old, Lucy, was diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer in Feb. 2011.  Kate writes so beautifully and honestly about her triumphs and struggles as a mom and child of God. 

Lucy's cancer is back, and her mom posted there is nothing more that can be done.  I am so attached to this sweet family I have never even met.  I am crying so hard I cannot even see to type. Please pray Peace, Comfort and Strength for Erik, Kate, Ella, Lucy, and Jack.  There is just so much pain and hurt...and yet, I still believe I serve a loving God who never leaves us nor forsakes us--ever.  I could never explain the "peace that passes all understanding" yet I have experienced it in my own life, so I am praying the great Love of Christ will sustain and keep and comfort this dear family even (or especially) in the midst of this unimaginable awfulness.

long quiet season

I had a friend text me the other day that it had been one month and so many days since my last blog post...and that she thought i should get to it.  Since I am an obedient friend, here is a quick update.

The last few months have been what I would call a long, quiet season.  Lots going on underneath the surface, underneath the peaceful quiet.  Not frantic changes, but slow green growth. 
Sometimes this growth is painful, but mostly it is joyful and healthy.  I understand more and more what an amazing gift Todd's love is to each of us--Caley, Luke and I.  His love for us has provided a firm foundation on which we nourish old friendships as well as develop healthy, new relationships. 

At the end of January, I was set up on a blind date (by a friend whom I admire and trust) with a great guy named Alan.  He has a very kind and generous spirit, and I have really enjoyed getting to know him.  The kids like him very much.  

The kids are excited to be out of school and to have friends over to swim!  Caley had her hair cut off yesterday to donate to Beautiful Lengths.  She is very happy with her shorter cut!  With Alan's help, Caley has started a small vegetable garden, and Luke has a flower garden.    I just turned in grades for my May Semester class.  There will be a few meetings for which I will need to go in to work throughout the summer, but I will mostly enjoy many days of summer with my kids for the next two months!  I  plan to paint and work on other projects around the house, travel to see my mom, Katie, Hal and families, and...have eye surgery.  I have a covering over part of my left eye that must be peeled back before it covers my pupil.  I have that scheduled for the end of June.  It is outpatient, and I should be good-to-go after three or four days with only some minor irritation remaining. 

I have another post kicking around in my head about authenticity, but it is not ready to be birthed just yet.  For now,  I am going to clean house and enjoy my summer!

Angel Laughter

I am listening to 4 boys (ages 7 - 11)  laugh through the movie Despicable Me.  Oh, that sound brings a smile to my heart.  I think this must be how the angels in heaven sound. 

Poser

Sometimes, I feel like I am walking on water.   Why is it that whenever I am called out of the boat, I tend to scramble out as quickly as I can (okay, so sometimes I have to be pushed) ....only to be just like Peter, and sink when I take my eyes off Jesus?  I am so easily distracted from the Source of my strength and peace. BUT, I am getting better at realizing what is happening and putting my focus back where it needs to go.

I have felt like such a poser these last few days.  Fake smile, hiding resentment.  False laugh, hiding insecurity.  Fake, fake, fake.  I really dislike myself when I let me get all torqued up with the mix pride and insecurity.   Almost the minute I started my quiet time this morning, I felt a release of the ugliness.  I have been so tired the last few mornings, that I haven't really done much but try to slurp my coffee and stay awake during this sacred morning time.  In the evenings, I just chose to do other things. Why I don't fall to my knees the minute these feelings well up, I have NO idea, but I don't.

I  was recently reminded again of how fragile life is...we can make ourselves sick trying to balance it all and then it upends on us.  Wednesday, I heard of two different families facing heartache of epic proportions.  The friend who was pouring out her heart to me about these families devastated by tragedy, has her own story of trouble and heartache...but her story is also full of beauty, love, and faithfulness--God's faithfulness.   Our hearts ache for the journey these families face, but with lots of hope that, with lots of help, they will eventually move from tragedy to sharing their own story of grace, peace and healing. 

Puts all this posing in perspective...for the waste of time that it is.