Friday, March 16, 2012

Two Old Posts

Found these in my drafts.  


New Me?

I did something very spontaneous the other day. I was commenting to a friend how "out of character" this was for me. She replied, "you have got to stop saying that. Maybe that wasn't how you used to be, but perhaps this is you now."

I thought about it. She is right. I have made a good many spontaneous decisions in the last year and a half. I can no longer say that it is "out of character." Todd would be proud!



I just have to laugh at myself when I realize how seriously I take myself sometimes…and how I want to put God in a box. I get upset when I don't understand how to fit life into this box. I stomp my feet and cry and scream – all of which I have actually done this past week.

But how awesome it is when I accept that none of it will fit inside my box…and the parts I have stored in there have pieces that are missing. Free. That's how I feel right now, free.

I am giggling to myself because I am thinking of how trying to fit life into any kind of container is just like trying to zip up your overstuffed suitcase after you have managed to get the last item in (basking in your moment of triumph) only to look over and see another pile of things that needs to fit. Futile ;-)

Seek justice
Love mercy
Walk humbly with your God

We were made to be courageous
Lord, make us courageous



But everything inside you
knows there is more than what you've heard
And you're on fire when He's near you

When everything inside me looks like
Everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change

I'm standing on the edge of me…

I'm on fire when You're near me
And I'm on fire when You speak
And I'm on fire burning at these

                                               On Fire
                                    Songwriters: Foreman, Jonathan; Victor, Daniel;

I am a big Switchfoot fan, but I just found this song.
I think it is absolutely beautiful.  Close your eyes and just listen.
On Fire

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Change of Address

“Our past does not define us, it prepares us.” I recently came back across this quote, and it speaks so clearly to where I find myself at this moment and to the hope I have that nothing is wasted in God’s economy. We humans have such a capacity to hurt, but, thankfully, God’s nature is to heal.

Someone, early on, sent me a card that has a picture of a little girl twirling outside in the sunshine and shadows. I still have it on my refrigerator, because the picture never fails to bring a smile to my heart (although sometimes it is a very weak smile), and it has been a powerful reminder that—although I could not imagine it at the time--I could dance and twirl again. Little by little, hard fought battles have been won so that I have begun to feel like that little girl on a more regular basis. The scripture verse on the inside of the card was from Psalm 35.

But let me run loose and free, celebrating God’s great work,
Every bone in my body laughing, singing,
“God there’s no one like you.”
Psalm 35:9-10 (The Message)
I still catch myself sometimes getting caught up in the victim mentality…the one where there is never any singing or dancing or twirling. The one where I live like I am powerless to make changes. I can still hear Todd speaking to me when I was upset about something with the kids and how they were behaving and feeling like a victim in my own home. (yuk! I hate to even admit that, but it is true.) He looked at me and said with firmness and love and support, “You are the momma.” I immediately knew what he meant, and I also knew he was right. I had the power to change things. So, when I have these “victim moments” about my life now, I translate “I am the momma” into “I am a beloved daughter of the King, ” which reminds me I do not have to live in a place of doubt and fear and powerlessness. When I recognize the lie I have been believing, it is almost like the feeling I have when I first realize I've had a nightmare...the great relief that none of the feelings and fears are true.  Light is immediately able to pore back into my soul.   With God’s help, I do have the power to change my address. 

I suspect I have blogged about all this before, but this seems to be the way life is, for me anyway. My paths come back around in a spiral to cross many of the same places I have been before.

For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7