Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Giving Thanks

Today is Todd's birthday.  I give thanks for the man he was and the beauty and strength of him that is in my children and that I carry in my heart. 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Love and Loss

 I heard angel laghter again tonight...it sounds just like little boys laughing and enjoying life together. I heard the sound of a boy's heart breaking too.  My little boy has sobbed himself to sleep because some of his dearest friends are moving--leaving in the morning. 

As they drove off tonight, big heaving sobs from my Luke as he waved goodbye, my heart settled into that in between place...between sorrow and joy.  This family has held our family these years since Todd died--picking up the slack many times in the beginning when I had  tasks to take care of that a little boy who just lost his dad shouldn't have to tag along for, and more recently when I have had to work at night.  Sleepovers with these 3 brothers and my son have been so full of laughter that my heart breaks along with Luke's as I think of tomorrow.  And their mom has been an angel in my life.  My heart is full to the brim with love, but so heavy with the heartache of loss.  I am thankful for the blessing of friendship. We miss them already.

Our prayers are with them as they travel to join their dad and grandmother who are suffering a great and sudden loss of their own. 

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Muchness Returning

I feel my "muchness" coming back...I think I must have lost it for a long while, just like Alice (in Tim Burton's version of Alice in Wonderland).

Mad Hatter:[to Alice] You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness. (Pointing to her heart.)

Later Alice has this to say as she steps up to her role of Jabborwocky slayer:

Alice: How's *this* for muchness?

I am glad I am getting my "muchness" back.  Todd--and many of you-- could have told me where I'd lost it, I am sure...but your "muchness" is just something you have to find for yourself.

For me, it definitely continues to be a process and not an instantaneous return. Somedays I am "muchier" than others...but I am trending in the right direction.  ;-)