Sometimes, I feel like I am walking on water. Why is it that whenever I am called out of the boat, I tend to scramble out as quickly as I can (okay, so sometimes I have to be pushed) ....only to be just like Peter, and sink when I take my eyes off Jesus? I am so easily distracted from the Source of my strength and peace. BUT, I am getting better at realizing what is happening and putting my focus back where it needs to go.
I have felt like such a poser these last few days. Fake smile, hiding resentment. False laugh, hiding insecurity. Fake, fake, fake. I really dislike myself when I let me get all torqued up with the mix pride and insecurity. Almost the minute I started my quiet time this morning, I felt a release of the ugliness. I have been so tired the last few mornings, that I haven't really done much but try to slurp my coffee and stay awake during this sacred morning time. In the evenings, I just chose to do other things. Why I don't fall to my knees the minute these feelings well up, I have NO idea, but I don't.
I was recently reminded again of how fragile life is...we can make ourselves sick trying to balance it all and then it upends on us. Wednesday, I heard of two different families facing heartache of epic proportions. The friend who was pouring out her heart to me about these families devastated by tragedy, has her own story of trouble and heartache...but her story is also full of beauty, love, and faithfulness--God's faithfulness. Our hearts ache for the journey these families face, but with lots of hope that, with lots of help, they will eventually move from tragedy to sharing their own story of grace, peace and healing.
Puts all this posing in perspective...for the waste of time that it is.