Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Mindless Chatter

Feb 4

Okay, so this will come as NO surprise to most of you…but I have GOT to be one of the world’s most uncoordinated beings. I picture myself moving gracefully, but you know, it’s just not me. I regularly trip…even in tennis shoes. I love heeled shoes, so you can see the potential problem. I have shared the story with many of you, of stepping off the curb while texting and phone flying one direction, clogs going another and my body laying flat out in yet another.

Today, I felt like I was in an old Friends episode…it just goes to show you that slapstick is funny, even when it is not scripted and being performed by a beautiful, famous starlet. I was visiting a nice clothing boutique in town, which was having a big sale. After digging through all the sale clothes upstairs, I came down to circle through the store one last time before making my purchases. I saw a precious dress (which, of course, would be a shirt for me because there is NO way I could run around, even in leggings, in a dress that short.)  I need to mention this dress was something like crochet. I also must mention that I have one of those Baggallini purses with the industrial looking zippers and hooks.  Do you see that a beautiful, delicate, crocheted dress and small purse with large zipper hardware would not make a good match? As I went to hang it back up (because it looked way better on the hanger than it did on me), the dress caught on some of the purse hardware…it didn’t just catch (which would have been bad enough), one of the clasps had sucked it in. I made a half-hearted attempt to free the dress with my hands full.  Unsure of how to juggle everything, and not tear the dress, I quickly dropped to my knees and laid the dress on the floor next to me. I am beginning to realize I am probably going to have to buy this very expensive dress and learn to love it…with a big patch where I will have to knot the torn yarn over the left shoulder area. I try to work the dress off of the clasp, but I know that even if I am successful, the dress will probably be puckered there, and I will still have to purchase it. I give a cry for help. (Do you see why this might be evolving into a Friends episode?) No one hears me, so I stand up and cry out again “I need some help!” (Oh, we used to laugh at my Gran, because as she got older she would stand in the aisle in a store and just holler out “Help!” until somebody came to answer her question or help her find what she needed . If we were anywhere nearby we would come running over, mortified, but laughing and shushing. ;-) A girl comes running over (thinking I have fallen, I’m sure). I explain to her what has happened, and tell her I need her help to get the dress unattached from my purse.  I can tell she is confused and worried that I have damaged the dress, so I assure her I will buy it if I have damaged it in any way. We both lean down toward the floor as I point toward “exhibit A” , but the dress and purse have become mysteriously unattached. They are just lying quietly on the floor next to each other. I say an inward “hallelujah!” but the girl is looking at me like I am nuts…but with that polite smile that says “I am not going to say anything, but you are nuts.” I point to where I think I see a pucker, and I ask “Can you see anything there?” She shakes her head as she continues to examine the dress at my prompting. Well she and the additional help we have attracted, cannot find anything wrong with the dress. (Whoo hoo!)  And truthfully, they were very kind about it.  I made my way to the cash register, paid for my other items and tried not to slink or hold my head down as I exited the store. You know, trying to give the appearance that this kind of thing is normal, and I am unruffled. I am pretty certain I didn’t pull that off ;-)

I won’t even give you the details of my Wal-Mart trip this same day. I am a Kroger girl, and I think the Kroger-gods were punishing me for stepping over to the dark side. I will tell you it involved me not being able to find a basket and almost ripping my new coat at the check-out.

LOL…it is so good to be home


  1. This is soooooooooooo funny! I thought I was the only totally uncoordinated person on the globe. Pam and Kelly can eat a dinner and not get one crumb on the table. When my plate is removed one can see an outline of it in the 4.2 million crumbs that remain on the table. Oh, and you should see me play golf. Oy vey!
    We had a Rabbi speak at our church and now he has invited us to temple Israel to see a Bar Mitzvah and take a tour. But that is another story.

  2. It's good to see and hear you laugh - from deep within. :) Love it!! D