I want free-will, but I don't want to suffer any consequences from my decisions or the decisions of others... I want Him to intervene sometimes, but get angry when He tries to direct me onto a path that is best in the long-run but not immediately gratifying. I make conscious choices about what I eat and drink (putting all kinds of chemicals, too much sugar and fat,etc. into my body) and the exercise I don't get regularly and don't want my body to suffer any harm as a result.
oh, and I want my entire path to be revealed when I am not even willing to take the next step that has been made clear. I want people to “just act right” but then I don’t always “act right” myself.
I want, I want, I want...
Irony. To be truly free, I must re-gift the gift..to the Giver (no less) -- returning the gift to Him and allowing Him to change "my wants" into a desire for "His wants." Then one really cool part of all this is that I become part of the healing of this world instead of part of its destruction...because I become aware I've been redeemed when it seems I was beyond redemption, loved when I have been so unlovely, forgiven for seemingly unforgivable acts. When I keep these things in mind, I am much better able to extend grace and mercy instead of anger as a response to the hurt and pain that try to be so in-your-face at times.
I am able to see myself in the ugliness of the world--not in condemnation but in honest appraisal. Recognizing that truly, by the grace of God, I am not condemned and haunted by the ugliness inside me. I am free to get back up, let myself be dusted off, and start fresh--taking with me the lessons (often) hard-learned. May you trust in Him, to extend a loving hand, dust you off, and help you back on your feet for tomorrow.