This morning the kids and I had a rough start…lots of lollygagging and passive disobedience by the kids and lots of nagging by me. I know when this is happening I need to stop and focus on the problem instead of continuing my own distracted list of duties...but instead I make several semi-intentional attempts at redirecting and continue on my merry way…that is until I blow. Well, it wasn't pretty. I was very angry by the time we left for school. I didn't want to pray about it, but I knew I needed to so I made a half-hearted attempt. I finally pulled into a parking lot and said something like, "Somebody better start praying out loud for us because I am not taking you to school until we have some kind of peace." (nothing like passing the buck, huh?) Of course, Caley piped up, and she prayed for help for all of us (specifically hitting each area of need—which made me wince a bit since she was humble about Luke and her needs as well as forthright about mine). We drove on to school having at least made a foray into peace.
I had not had my quiet time this morning, so I headed straight to my chair when I got back home. Guess what the reading for this morning was? The story of the merciless servant…you know the one who was forgiven his million dollar debt by the king but who refused to pardon his fellow servant's debt of just a few dollars. (Matthew 18:21-35). The residual anger I was holding onto seemed to evaporate as I saw myself so clearly as the merciless servant. I felt convicted, and the appraisal was honest…but I did not feel condemned, only grateful. It is so ironic to me that when I see myself honestly in God's light, I do not feel worse about myself…my burden (of anger and judgment in this case) is actually lifted. I never cease to be amazed.