Sunday, July 1, 2012

Held

I was listening to Natalie Grant’s song, Held, this morning. Really listening. I have heard this song many times (I own the CD), but this morning I was just struck by its truth. We want God to change our circumstances—and sometimes He does—but His promise is that we will always be held in the midst of all our circumstances…even (or especially) during the worst of circumstances.

The words to this song start out mourning the death of a child. As a parent, I cannot really even wrap my mind around a loss so great. But I do know about what it’s like to watch your beloved husband shot just feet from you, know the gunman was going to shoot you (and he does), and then hear the gunman go inside your home and hear him shoot his own daughter…and be the only survivor of all that awful, wasteful violence. I know what it’s like to know you should be thankful that you are alive to raise your precious children…that they have not been left orphans, but to want to just curl up in a ball and die yourself. I know what it is like to desperately want to change places with your dead spouse. I know what it’s like to want to rewind the clock and get a “do over.” But we can’t and we won’t, and we will never have explanations as to “why” that will satisfy. “It is what it is”…and we have to move forward whether we like it or not…or the darkness really does win.

I know all about that darkness, but I also know—and this is the most important thing I know-- that God really does hold us during these horrific times.  I know if He holds me, then He holds each of us. 

In my mind, Todd and S.N. are surrounded by Light and Love. They are not encased in darkness. This is my perception, and I believe it is only possible because most (certainly not all) days I am able to acknowledge I am being Held.



HELD

Songwriters: WELLS, CHRISTA NICHOLE


Two months is too little.

They let him go.

They had no sudden healing.

To think that providence would

Take a child from his mother while she prays

Is appalling.



Who told us we'd be rescued?

What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?

We're asking why this happens

To us who have died to live?

It's unfair.



Chorus:

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we'd be held.

[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/n/natalie_grant/held.html ]

This hand is bitterness.

We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.

The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.



(Chorus)

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we'd be held.



Bridge:

If hope is born of suffering.

If this is only the beginning.

Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?



(Chorus)

This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell we'd be held.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know, that the promise was when everything fell, we'd be held

This is what it means to be held.



4 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing. If I'm not mistaken, this is the first time you've written (publicly) the details.

    If you can know you are being held after your horrific experience, there's little excuse for the rest of us with "normal" lives.

    Thank you for being so brave and faithful in pointing us back to our Creator.

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  2. Thanks for the reminder, dear friend. MM

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  3. I draw such strength from your honesty! I love you Susan!

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