I am supposed to close on a house this Friday. I am caught in between an intense desire to run away from everything (including the new house) and the desire for a fresh start. I am caught between knowing it is time to move forward (not forget, but to truly recognize I cannot get back to the way things were) and feeling so sad about doing this...there is an element of guilt in that sadness also.
I know that spring is coming, but winter does not want to give up its hold...the groundhog says so...and so do my emotions. But emotions aren't truth, they are just a reflection of our perception of the truth. I know that God has planted a strong desire for healing and health inside me...and when I think I can't walk anymore, He reminds me of my children and His strength to keep me from fainting, and I find I can keep walking. My children do not need a momma who is checked out and not available to them, and His strength enables me to be the momma they do need. That is truth.
Even though I find myself overwhelmed with grief this week, I will not lose my hope that, with Help, I can push my way through this frozen, hard earth to the fresh air and sunshine. Winter will give up its hold, and spring will come.