Sunday, May 22, 2011

My Own Skin

I am trying to get comfortable in my own skin…and honestly, I thought I was…but I am finding I am not. You see my skin has always been my own, but it shared a something -– elasticity, or some other not-so-easily named quality—with Todd. I know that 26 years may not seem like long to some, but since that represents my entire adult life (and I do use "adult" lightly when referring to our early dating years --maturity was not my strong suit back then) there is a HUGE part of me that is now missing…because no matter how I look at it, HE IS NOT HERE BESIDE ME sharing in this adventure/mess we call life. I am altered… ME--down deep, as well as on the surface. And now I don't know exactly what's missing (besides the obvious), just that this skin that fit so well when I was Susan who was part of Susan and Todd, is sagging in some places. It seems so glaringly obvious to me today… I think I may be the last to know.

I WILL get comfortable. I know I will. I just have no idea how long it will take...I really want to complain right now, about "no ****! maps, and no time tables"…but it doesn't do a bit of good, so I might as well just suck it up. That last statement may have sounded light-hearted, but I assure you it was not intended that way. I am, however, (still) resolved to moving forward. It is what it is.

The quest begins.

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