Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Pain with a Purpose

I received 3 bullet wounds that night…my upper arm, my left breast and my neck…with one of the bullets grazing my chin. The doctors did sew up my chin, but all the other wounds had to be cleaned and left to heal from the inside out.

I have been thinking about how deep emotional wounds also have to heal from the inside out. It's not that some dressing and caring on the top layer isn't absolutely necessary, but how often we try to sew over the outside in a quick fix kind of way.

The cure for what ails us is often VERY painful. But there will be pain whether we choose to stand still or move forward…so I think I'll opt for the pain with a purpose (moving forward), and let God minister to those deep wounds in anticipation of complete healing from the inside out.

Side note:

It's funny (strange not "ha ha") that reading the first paragraph makes me uncomfortable. I don't really know why, as everyone who reads this blog probably already knows that about me. I have also noticed that I still only want to talk about it when I want to and not be asked questions—about anything that has to do with this. I can often feel a flash of anger when someone innocently asks a question to clarify something I've said or extract more information. I can feel myself shut down and disengage. It's like discussing it is so personal—too personal to have anyone make comments or assumptions. It is something I should be talking about with Todd and no one else. I hope one day *it* (the awful memories of that weekend) will have no power over me what-so-ever.


  1. I didn't know much about your wounds. Only that we were very lucky that they weren't more serious. I think I understand what you mean about wanting to talk it over with Todd only: it must be odd for such an intimate experience like grief and violence to be a matter of public knowledge at the same time. I'm sure I've asked inappropriate questions. I am sorry for that. I don't know if it helps -- but the intent behind the questions is not to intrude, but rather not to ignore. i don't know if that makes sense . . .

    Your openness is amazing. You're amazing. Very Happy Mother's Day.

  2. Susan,
    You are such a beautiful person inside and out. I know this blog can be very difficult for you to write, and I pray you will continue to find peace in the midst of this storm. Your raw honesty has helped me and I'm sure so many others in ways you probably don't even realize. I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day with your children. They are very blessed to have a Christian mother who is very open and honest with her faith! thanks so much!