I am feeling a bit sorrowful this morning. Realizing that there is no way I can put God in a box…no way I can demand to have my own way…no way I can be assured that the way I would like to imagine our life going from here on out is the way that it will go. Part of this sadness is the book I started the other day…it is about one person's dark night of the soul…and I have just begun the really dark part—the earlier part of the book has just been the build-up.
I still get sad when I catch a picture of Todd laughing/playing with the kids…I seem to be able to handle the pictures of us just fine, but not him and the kids.
I was talking with an old friend last night about wanting to learn from the past, live in the present, and hope for the future. Sounds really good, and most of the time I totally buy into that philosophy…wanting to live fully in the present...intentionally living in the moment I have, not lamenting over moments lost or what may or may not happen in the future. I know there will be a lot of days when this is easier said than done...today might be one of those.
Today I am just sad for the whole world and all those hurting. A part of me wants to demand answers, but an even bigger part knows that there are absolutely no answers that would satisfy. The old me would have been in a funk for days…I am stronger now, though, and I know Peace is mine if I will just choose to receive it. I so choose, and I am now going to follow the Rx of Philippians 4:6 and spend some time receiving. God' Peace to you all .
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