July/August

I think I must have written this post around mid-July.. I don't know why I didn't post it then. I actually have a good many posts I've written and never shared. I decided I did want to share this one.

July/August

I have not been consciously dwelling on the dates. But for the last week or so, I have been eating any unhealthy food I can get my hands on…almost like I am stuffing my emotions. July 18 is our wedding anniversary…and August 2 is the anniversary of the worst day of my life. I didn't expect to skate through these reminders totally unscathed, but I guess I am a little surprised at this passive-aggressive response of stuffing things in my mouth instead of dealing with my emotions head on.

Twice this month I have looked at the list of wedding anniversaries in the church bulletin and wished that Todd and Susan Randolphwas written next to July 18. There is just something about everyone forgetting that saddens me. Not that I want people to acknowledge this date to me (so please don't), but I don't want people to forget…forget about him, forget about us. I laugh more easily now, and I have moments when I feel "normal," but I still miss him more than words can say. I still have moments when I feel so lost. I still have many moments when I indulge myself in a good cry…then it's time to pick myself up, dust myself off (helping to pick me up and dust me off were things Todd did so well), and prepare to make the best of tomorrow.