Monday, July 12, 2010

Hell Week

This has been a hellish week emotionally. It sounds like a contradiction to say you feel "dead inside" but at the same time you experience emotional pain...but let me tell you that these states can coexist inside one person. The pain seems to have a different quality now than it did in the beginning...with a "dead" or numb quality to it (not like when it felt as if someone was gutting me like a fish)...but it is still there. It feels almost like I'm trying to move through wet sand (up to my armpits) to reach a destination, but the destination keeps changing, and it doesn't really matter because I'm not really getting anywhere anyway. I'm just so tired of fighting for every step out of this hell-hole.

As I read back over this, it sounds soooo whiny, but you know what? I don't care. It's my blog and I can whine if I want to. I know many of you have more to whine about than me, but you will just have to start your own blog. I have actually had some really good things happen this past week as well, but I don't feel like talking about them right now...I am just tired of looking at silver linings at the moment. I know it will get better--it always does.


  1. Can't wait to get there and hug you! Jen

  2. Although your coccoon of friends and loved ones may not be as tightly wrapped around you as it was nearly one year ago...we are still here. We grieve and question and cry and feel all kinds of emotions, too. The hardest part is knowing there is NOTHING we can say or do to ease your pain. It looks much different now - but we are still here!! Whine away. We can handle it.