My emotions seem to turn on a dime these days. I am thankful that they can switch from bad to good as quickly as good to bad…at least it is not a one way street. I wish so badly that I could emerge from this to a relatively level path, but I don't think it is in the cards for now anyway. I do keep telling myself that this is the storm, and it will pass—it cannot go on forever no matter what it feels like.
Most days I feel pretty strong, and even when I am overwhelmed with grief, there is something inside me that tells me I can do this. I often cry/shriek out loud that "I don't want to do this!" but deep down I know that I can even though I don't want to. It is amazing to me the things we can do when we know we must.
My kids are beautiful (inside and out). I am so often overwhelmed by my love for them and how beautiful their sweet spirits are. They are strong also—they are fighters—and they know how much their daddy loved us. If you had asked him what he wanted to be remembered for, he would have said "for being the best dad and husband—for letting my family know how much I loved them—not saying it but DOING it." We often talked about these things—and how wonderful our little slice of life was…how although things weren't perfect that there wasn't really anything we would change because all these things together had made us who we were as individuals and as a family…and we felt very blessed. We knew that when one was down, the other would share their strength—we often laughed (and lamented) that we were never both down at the same time. Now pretty much anyone who has kids and has been married for more than 24 hours knows that there is no such thing as a "perfect" family. I don't mean to convey that we were perfect in any way, but I do want to say that when we stood on the edge and took in the panoramic view, it was very satisfying!
The thing that would make me so very happy would be that every married person reading this would love their spouse to the best of their abilities at this moment…to really show that person (the way they like to be shown, not the way you like to be shown) how important and valuable they are to you. Although I know that some of you are in extremely difficult marriages, most of us just let busyness get in the way of our priorities. Don't do that. Make the time so your family knows how much you love and value them—and this needs to happen daily, not just every now and then. If you would do this, that would make me very happy. You don't have to leave a comment, but you could email me and let me know! ;-) (My email is on my profile page if you don't have it already.) If you don't make time for a weekly "date night" then you should start. It doesn't have to be going out—Todd and I usually stayed in. We put the kids to bed, and made each other the focus of the evening. Make the time for your marriage! If your marriage is strong, your kids are going to be happy too. Don't argue with me--just do it. J I know this was preachy, but please humor me in this request. I will just go on and thank you in advance.