Saturday, March 12, 2011


Just when I think I have my act together, I am overcome. I bought some concrete benches today to sit between the apple trees and scattered some of Todd's ashes around. I unloaded and put the benches together myself--even though the concrete was extremely heavy. I layed on one of them and talked to Todd when I was done.
Earlier today:
A friend who is having a baby came by to tell me that she and her husband had decided to name him after will be his middle name.
I read some of the old news articles written about that horrible night.
Not too bright, am I?
Only cried a few times today, but I fell apart this evening. I am tired, and everything is worse when I am tired.
It hurts so very badly, I feel like I will crack.


  1. i am so sorry you had a hard day. but i don't think your feelings are a sign of not having your act together. the benches and the baby name sound like poignant and bittersweet moments. i think they'd bring up a lot of emotions on their own, never mind both happening in one day. i teared up just reading about it.

    i will grant you looking at the newspaper articles after the day you had seems like you are either being mean to yourself or demanding too much. but hey - today was a bad day. tomorrow you can have a better day.

    love you

  2. just wanted you to know that I lift you up in prayer every time I read your blog or think about you. I am so very sorry for the pain that you are having to go through and I can only commit to praying for you...very little on my part but please know my heart continues to greave for you and your family! Love and miss you old friend - Sarah

  3. Ditto everything Nikki said and remember you have friends who are only a phone call away when and if you need us. Love you.